I'm joining in this month's writing challenge over at Faces of Loss Faces of Hope on Mother's Day. Really anything you want to write about being a Mother. So I'm writing about My thoughts on being a Mother.
All my life I wanted to be a Mother. I thought my Mom was cool growing up but I was closer to my Dad. If that makes any sense. I wanted children and all that noise. I enjoyed babysitting and still babysat for families even when I was out of High School and had a job. It was something I enjoyed being around children.
I had one downfall to it all. I had female problems , docters told me I might never carry or even get pregnant. At 15 I was crushed , scared , wondering Why Me ?? I love children. When I was 35 it happened I became a Mother. I was so excited , over the moon. Then I had 2 more children. I was so very happy.
Then I miscarried , once again I miscarried. No one got me ready for all that. I remember talking to my Mom after my first miscarriage and she said I wish I knew what to say or I know how you feel but I don't. I said it's ok Mom. I know she hurt cause she couldn't fix it. I know no matter how old you are your Mom still worries still cares that is just what Mom's do. I did have my Rainbow then just this past Jan I miscarried again.
Then I remembered those same feelings I had when I wondered why I might not become a Mom. I was feeling them all over again only this time because I lost children. I hurt , somedays are tough , holidays , birthdays but for me anyday , Grief can show up at my door. It's not any easier just because I have living children. I love all my children that's what Mom's do. I miss those that aren't here. It will never end until this journey on earth is done and I'm reunited in Heaven with those children waiting there for me. So looking at the whole big picture all my children through all life has handed me. I know that Good Grief I'm so blessed. I thank God for making me a stronger Momma , through all of this and also teaching me that there is always Hope in everything. I thank God for always being there to listen to help and most all for one day being able to see those children I have lost.
4 years, 3 months, 3 weeks, and 5 days.
3 years ago