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Thursday, August 6, 2009

~ Walking With You - Sibling Grief / The Next Pregnancy ~




Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. Thank-you to those of you who have joined us for the past few weeks ...... for couragously sharing your stories. If you haven't joined us yet and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week we are sharing on Sibling grief/ The next Pregnancy.


Just this Monday my son Ridge was dealing w/ the grief of my first miscarriage. It had been a while since he had said anything. I lost a little boy at 12 wks on Feb 10, 2006. Ridge was going to be six on Feb 28th. At the time he had many questions & I tried to answer them best I could. For the first yr, he talked about the little brother that he never got to meet. I remember telling him one day when this life is over & we will go to heaven, we will see your little brother. It was tough on him but he had 2 younger sisters & then he didn't mention it as much, but I know he keeps alot inside to. Mostly around holidays & on Feb 10th. On Monday we were walking home from school & the sky was beautiful, lots of fluffy clouds. Carly my youngest was in the stroller & a little fussy. Ridge calmed her down by singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Next thing out of the blue he said Mom, Do you think my little brother can see us ? I said Yes he is in heaven. Next few words were Mom does he know about Carly ? Our new addition, she is 3 months old. I said Yes he knows we have Carly. I wish I knew what it was like to have a little brother. I thought for a monment he was going to cry. Mom he said How much longer til we get to see him ? I told him no one knows when Jesus will come back but we can hope that it is soon. Then he asked me Mom do you think about him & the other baby you lost alot ? I told him yes & I wonder what they would have looked like & things like that. Ridge said is it ok to talk about them ? I said it's always ok they are part of our family. He told me the other day at school they were talking about the clouds & it made him think of his brother & the other baby. He told me I'm always afraid I will cry or make you cry Mom. I told him crying is ok. It's good not to hold things in. Marie who is 7 didn't say much about our little talk but after we got home & all sort of sat down & had a little talk. Jennifer who is 5 really doesn't remember much but she still listened. It was just neat how he just opened up, it had been a while. With this past pregnancy he really hadn't said much just that he hoped our baby would be ok.

I think as a parent it is good to talk to your children & know that death is not the end. I told all of the children the other day afterschool that talking is good & keeping feelings inside makes you hurt even more. We are a family & just because they are not with us right now that they are a part of us. I told the children that if they feel sad & I may not be there with them everytime they want to talk, that you can always say a prayer to Jesus. Don't be afraid to come to me & talk. At the end of our little talk on Monday all the children said there own little prayer & then we sang a little song to the babies " Jesus Loves Me " Children sometimes amaze me at how the handle things.

7 comments :

Lynnette Kraft said...

Hi Caroline! I enjoyed my visit today. Your cute monkey background made me smile. I'm so glad you're participating in Kelly's Walking With You. It's so important to talk about grief and share with others. It provides healing and helps others as well.

Thanks for linking up so I could pop over to say hello - and thanks for reading my book - I hope you are abundantly blessed and inspired by our awesome God.

Love,
Lynnette
Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground

Jennifer Ross said...

I agree with you. It's very important to speek about how we are feeling, and not keep it all inside. The children that we loss are part of the family also.

We always sing "Jesus Loves Me" to Isaiah. It's "his" song.

Love,
Jenny

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

As heart-wrenching as it is to hear how our children are grieving...it's also beautiful to hear what's in their precious hearts. I love how open children are with their grief and their questions. I think we could learn a lot from them. You are so right to reassure your children that it is not good to hold things in...and always O.K. to talk about their siblings who are in heaven.

stitchndeb said...

Your last paragraph said it all. It's a real travesty when children are left to grieve on their own (the way my family did when I was growing up) so I think it's awesome that you're honest with them and giving them hope. ~Debbie

Danielle Holsapple said...

You did such a wonderful job of walking your son through all his questions. What a sweet boy to not want to upset his mommy. I always stress to my daughter that is ok and normal to talk about her brother in heaven.
(HUGS) and blessings
Danielle

Jess said...

What a sweet time of conversation with your children. You did an awesome job of answering your son's questions and helping him feel comfortable in coming to you. I love that you sang Jesus Loves Me to the babies, that is what we sang to our daughter, Eliana, at her graveside. I haven't sung it with my two boys yet since then, but we will do that again next week when we visit her grave again on our original due-date.
Thanks for sharing,
Jess

Holly said...

Thanks so much for sharing this. I'm so glad that Ridge felt open enough to talk about his little brother and that he knows it's always ok to talk about them. What a great conversation and you did a wonderful job.

 
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