Thursday, July 23, 2009

Walking With You - The Sea Of Grief

Walking With You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share stories, helpful information, scriptures, encouraging words, prayer requests, and more. Thank-you to those of you who have joined us for the past few weeks....... for courageously sharing your stories. If you haven't joined us yet and would like to, you are more than welcome. This week we are sharing our first steps into the sea of grief.

This is my first time sharing , I had two miscarriages one at 12 wks & one at 8 wks. It was really tough then & I know it still is there. I have days that it seems like it bothers me more. I didn't have much of a support system. I had alot of questions & I didn't know where to turn. I felt like I couldn't breathe for days. I'm a christian and I know that helped me. I remember laying in the E.R. at the hospital & praying so hard. A nurse brought me a little pamplet to read about miscarriage. I know Psalm 23 by heart & I kept thinking, Lord I need your help. I had surgery and then was released. I lost a little boy that day. I had 3 children at home & my oldest son at the time was the only child that knew I was pregnant. He was only 6 & I wondered to myself how I would tell him. I remember leaving the hospital & thinking to myself this couldn't have happened to me. I had this very empty feeling inside that I never felt before.

In the days that followed, we told my son & of course his biggest question was where is the baby ? It made it hard & I was still trying to deal with things myself. Then I went back to work. the only one that really knew I thought was my boss but I was wrong. I guess everyone knew. I had some be real nice about it & not know what to say. Others said it will be ok you already have kids. Well no it wasn't ok just because I had children. I did so much reading on miscarriages but wondered why this happened to me & others. Right after it happened & I would see a baby , I would lose it & cry. As time went on things got somewhat easier but it was still there. Then August came & I should have had a new baby.

Once again it happened I miscarried again & this time we had just made a big move to Nevada from Ohio. I had no family of mine here just my husband's side & I had just met them. I again felt so empty & lonely. This time my husband was the only one that knew I was pregnant.
I was afraid to say anything for the fear of miscarrying. It was still hard & my husband's oldest sister told someone that we didn't need anymore children. I cried I'm trying accept things. I still cry at times & my heart hurts. I wonder if things had been different what my children would be like today ? It's a hurt that will never go away but I have faith & trust in the Lord, someday I will see my babies & I get excited.

I have a few verses to share :

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46 :10

Blessed our those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5 : 4

For this God is our God for ever and ever, he will be our guide even to the end. Psalm 48 : 14

I pray for everyone that has lost a child.


Holly said...

A lot of people seem to think that having a miscarriage is 'no big deal' and you should just get over it. I don't see it that way at all. It's the loss of a precious child and grieving for that child is ok! I don't even like to use the word miscarriage.

Jennifer Ross said...

A child is a child no matter how far along you are in pregnancy. I'm sorry that there were some heartless people that made harsh comments. I'm sorry that you loss your children. God Bless.

Much Love,

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

Thank you so much for joining is and for sharing about your children. And, thank you for sharing the scriptures with us, as well. I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious babies. Praying God's continued comfort for you...

Franchesca Cox said...

I think a lot of times people underestimate the loss. Even when a baby dies prematurely, they don't realize that we lost their entire lives and futures. We had hopes of raising these precious angels. I am glad you shared.

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