Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Walking With You - The impact the Loss had on our Marriage

Walking with You was created to help support those who have lost a child. Together we share stories , helpful information , scriptures ,encouraging words , prayer requests and more. Thank - youto those of you that have joined us for the past few weeks ....... for courageously sharing your stories. If you haven't joined us yet and would like to , you are more than welcome. This week we will be sharing about the effect on our marriage after loss of baby.

Well Paul & I have been together since early 2003. We only lived together when I had my first miscarriage, Feb 10 2006. It was hard because it was already a tough time for us. I had some other issues going on & I felt like it was my fault that we lost our child. Paul is a very quiet guy & he lost both his parents at a young age. I remember coming home after being at the hospital & him doing everything he could for me, from holding me & taking care of our other children. In the days that followed I asked him if he wanted to talk but he never said much at all. I didn't want to pressure him so I let things be. I needed to talk & really didn't know where to turn but to the Lord. I prayed & tried to understand why this happened. I used books to try to help me. I knew Paul was there but I knew he was one to keep things inside. Things were still good between us. We got married in Dec 2006 & then we decided to make a big move in our life, We moved to Nevada Sept 2007. I was only 8 weeks this time & once again I miscarried Dec 2007. It was hard because we didn't have our own place yet. We were staying with his oldest sister. It was tough for both of us, we needed our own space to together.

Finally in Feb 2008 , we got our own place & Sept 2008 I found out I was pregnant. We were both nervous & Paul I know was worried to that we might lose again. Things were different this time & things went well but many times he would bring up those children we lost. So I thought wow this is the first time he is really saying anything. don't get me wrong everytime I miscarried he was always there but I feel maybe he didn't know what to say & he was hurting to. I know that men & women grief different. I know today we are stronger & closer since we lost. We how have 4 children together 2 alive & 2 that passed away. I have 2 children from another relationship & he has 3 from another relationship. This is really neat a week and a half ago our children went back to school. Jennifer ( Paul & I ) our daughter started Kindergarden. I was saying how quiet it will be here in the afternoon with everyone but our youngest daughter & I here. Paul gave me a hug & said you know honey we should have 2 more at home yet. Not that I had forgot but it was sweet. I know that was just part of his way of grieving. We talk alot more about it now & I know we both have those moments when we think about them. I know that we both know the Lord & put our trust in him & he will always be there to carry us together thru those rough & tough times. I remember reading the Bible alot & have a few verses to share that helped us.

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comfortrd. Matthew 5 : 4

God shall wipe all tears from there eyes ; and there shall be no more death, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain ; for all the former things are passed away. Revelation 21 : 4

The words of Job never rung more true to us also ;

Naked I came from my mother's womb , and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away ; may the name of the LORD be praised.

We hold onto the hope that our children , whom we never got to hold in our arms is now resting in the arms of Jesus & that there name is written on the palm of God's hand.

As for support just be there for each other everyday cause the grief never ends. Trust in the Lord always.


Franchesca Cox said...

Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I am glad you understood from the start that men and women grieve differently. It can be hard to accept at times, but understanding that and giving them "space" definitely makes things easier through a rough spot. ~Prayers

Holly said...

Men definitely seem to keep things bottled up more than women. I think it's great hat Paul has opened up more about your losses.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

It seems to be the way many men deal with their grief...quietly. I think it is beautiful that your husband mentioned your babies that you lost. I am always blessed when my husband remembers our children. I know that our babies are on his heart...even if he doesn't always talk about them. Thank so much for sharing this with us this week.

Little Ladybugs said...

Your a amazing women. I love to read you everyday. Come to my blog and pick up your Lovely Blog award.

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