~ One Week ~

One week ago , it was over .........

Another life , someone who one day was supposed to come home and live with us. A new blessing , a new joy , but I sit here and I failed once again. I know it's nothing I did but Darn it life is not supposed to be this way is it ???????

I know it's not but I still hurt , even as tiny as Sweet Pea's life was. Paul has been gentle and I know he hurts too. School started back this past Monday and I'm back to the Mommy who has 3 school kids to keep up with and a very active 20 month old. I wouldn't trade any of it but there are times my mind just soars into space. I wanta just scream so hard or cry so hard but I have to remember I'm still a Mommy who has children here that need me to hold it together. I have screamed and cried tears but it helps I just dislike this broken feeling. Wish I could just blink my eyes and it would all go away. I can't and it's a hard road to walk. I'm praying for God to help me walk once again and give me a peace but I look all around me and I still hurt. I have many friends that have walked this road and I know there comes a time when it may not hurt so much but for now it's here and it will always be here. Sweet Pea's little life was looked forward too so much.

I love you little one and it will never end just like I know one day we will be together forever and ever. We all love you & miss what could have been and should have been.

I thought of these words this morning as I was packing lunches and cooking breakfast.

Life's a house with death built-in. So true.

A couple verses I love & help me :

Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."
John 13:7

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.