Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Remembering God is Near " Part Two "

Here it is 4 yrs already and it seems like just yesterday. 4 yrs since my first miscarriage and I will never forget it.

My day started out as any other day. Getting up and getting ready for work. I felt a little sick but Wow I'm pregnant and sometimes I feel that way in the morning. I clocked in at work and got my list for the day. Joked with the guys and then as I started my daily tasks , I felt like something was wrong and so different. I went and told my boss I was going home or too the E.R. I sat in my car a minute and then drove to the hospital. I didn't wanta call anyone since I wasn't sure what was up. I told them at the E.R. I thought I was having a miscarriage. The tears ran down my face ....... fear and all those feelings you never wanta feel. They got me a room and a nurse checked on me but didn't say much. She was the not so nice one. They called my Dr and I waited which seemed like forever. Finally they took me for a ultrasound and the tech kept the screen turned so I couldn't see. I knew already .......... my baby was gone .... finally she said she felt I was like 15 wks instead of 12. She could tell it was a Boy. I needed a D & C so they set it up for noon. I called my boss at work and told him. He was so cool and even though we joked so much about anything , his voice was so different. They took me back to a room and then in a couple hrs I had surgery. Paul was there when I woke up and I didn't know what to say other than I'm sorry. Finally I was released and got to go home. I remember all the Valentine balloons in the gift shop as they wheeled me out and I felt so empty. I never had this happen and I didn't know what to say or should I just cry.

One thing I do know is God was there with me the whole time. I could feel him when I waited for the tech to complete the ultrasound and just before I was put to sleep. He was there when I woke up and Yes he was there the whole time. I remember a little girl that was in the hallway on my way out and she said I hope you get better. I said Thank-you, I never will forget that little girl. She made me feel so good inside.

Today as I sit here and type this I wonder Why ???? some things happen ???? I know that God has made me a stronger person through all of this. I lost a little boy that was wanted so much but at the same time in yesterday's post God saved my son from being hurt bad. God really is great and there is one thing I know for sure is that One Day I will see my little boy again and that God loves everyone of us. He is always there and he will never leave us. That's the greatest thing of all.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deuteronomy 31:6

So too my little boy in heaven today. I love you so much and I just wish I could have seen you but I know when we all get to heaven , Mommy will always be there. I hope your having fun up there w/your brother or sister that is there to. There's not a day that I don't think of you , so just know we all love you so much. I miss you little man. Lots of Kisses and {{HUGS}}. Happy 4 yrs in Heaven !!!!!
Love , Mommy


Holly said...

Thinking of you and your little boy today. Sending you some hugs my friend!!

stitchndeb said...

{{{hugs}}} Caroline! I cried after I read what that little girl said to you. I never knew you were that far along when this happened. I'm so sorry. ~Debbie

Trennia said...

Thinking about ya today, and your sweet little boy.

Kristie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine... You're in my thoughts and prayers today :-)

Lilly's Mom (Desiree) said...

I'm thinkin about you today, and you are in my prayers always! I know it was hard to share these words, but I'm so glad that you did! I'm sure that your little man, and my sweet Lilly Bean are having a marvelous time up there with God!!!
God bless ya girl.

Much Love,

Linda said...

Here's more {{Hugs}} Caroline...
So sorry for the things you have gone through!

So happy that you knew the Lord was there with you during your trials.

He never leaves us nor forsakes us! And His Mercies are new every morning! Great is His Faithfulness!!!

What an awesome God!

Just Breathe said...

God is always at your side and you have a precious angel watching over you. ((HUGS))

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