Walking with You ~ Steps Back into Life ~ Week 3

Welcome to Week 3 of Walking With You Share about your first steps back into life. What helped you survive in the world outside as you took those first tender steps? Are there still tender areas for you today, living in a world that doesn’t embrace or understand the loss of a baby/child? How do you cope with those struggles? What advice would you offer those new to this walk to encourage and bring hope? How has this changed for you from the beginning? If you are in early grief, what do you fear/struggle with as you try to navigate a new normal….life without your baby?

 It was so hard , I really didn't know what to say to anyone. So many people brushed off miscarriages like they were not really any life at all. I called my Mom after I was home from the hospital. She supported me & so did of course my husband. I had a wonderful friend that was understanding. I was thankful I had living children a 5 , 3 & 1 year old they kept me with a reason to smile everyday & get up & breathe.

 As I said in my last post I was thankful I had God even though I didn't understand why me ??? I prayed & always gave the new day the best shot I could. I returned to work after being off a week my boss was wonderful. He had no children but understood because his wife could not have children. I think he talked to everyone before I returned but there was still those looks , people whispering but I somehow made it.

 I'm usually a happy person , always joking having a good time at whatever. This has changed me & with every loss that happened after the first I was different. Today I'm different I hold my kids tighter , I love life more but I'm still thankful that God was always there. I know times I was mad & cried out WHY ME GOD ????

 I handle the struggle of the world by talking about my children all of my children when the time is right so I'm not hurt. My children freely talk about our losses & it helps all of us. They hurt to , I hurt , my husband hurts but keeping feelings in is wrong to & painful.

 Always remember talk out feelings & if you have no one to listen God will always be there he loves YOU always. I do have one thing to say as I close I think as each step I take or new day passes I'm closer to life with them in Heaven.

 I love this verse also my favorite about Heaven Revelation 21:4 New International Version (NIV) 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

 I'm also thankful for the BLM's I have met through blogging & on Facebook my life is forever changed but I know I am not alone in this life. Everyone of you that I have a special place in my heart & your children. I'm also very thankful for all the books I have read with Holly Haas , feelings that I was able to feel & for this wonderful Walking with You group.

 

Walking With You ~ Clinging in the Pit

This week’s WWY topic ~ Clinging in the Pit Whether or not you are new to loss, talk a bit about early grief. What was it like, clinging for hope in the pits of despair? What did you cling to for hope? How did you survive the early days? What helped? What do you wish you could share with someone new to this walk, clinging in the pit? If you’re in the pit, currently, share your struggles. What can others do to encourage you?

 It's been almost seven years since I had my first miscarriage. My second five years ago , then early Jan 2011 two years , then my most recent Dec 2011 just a year ago. All of them feel like like yesterday , I can remember everything exactly where I was & what I was doing. It was so hard , so tough. My first was the worse I feel the hospital didn't treat me that well acted sorta like it was nothing. I will never forget that. I was scared so many thoughts went rushing through my mind. I remember laying on the bed in the ER waiting for a doctor to check me. I also remember praying & praying to God please somehow let things be okay even though down deep I knew.

 Leaving the hospital was hard I felt so many feelings , I remember taking a shower & screaming so loud my other children were not home thankfully they were at a friends so I could have a little time to compose myself before seeing them.

 In the days that passed after each miscarriage I found comfort in knowing one day I would see them , hold them FOREVER. I was also very thankful that even though it might be a long time before I would see those children in Heaven this is not the end. Being raised in a Christian home helped. I knew God loved me and this would only make me stronger somehow.

 I was also thankful for my three children I already had they gave me the reason to get up everyday & know that God is Good even through the pain. Having a great support system & talking helped me.

 Most of all trusting God even though I didn't understand WHY my baby ???? I can remember my Mom telling me it's okay to cry & I still have moments I still cry. It will forever be a part of my life for they are my children & I miss them everyday. I know God will carry me through all this just as he has when it was the day they left me.

 A couple of my favorite verses since my losses :

 Deuteronomy 31:6 New International Version (NIV) 6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

 Psalm 147:3 King James Version (KJV) 3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

A Silly Moment

Precious moments just being silly & messing with my camera on my phone , 

I caught a beautiful moment 

between my precious 

Carly & I . 

I'm thankful for all the joy she has brought to our home. 

So blessed to be her Mommy !! 

Love you Little Miss Carly

My little daytime sidekick while everyone else is at school. 

Thank you God for every beautiful gift that I have been given. 

Life is so precious always 

Walking With You ~ Intro and Where we are Now ....

I have been a part of Walking with You before & I'm back again. I really enjoy Kelly & all she does. 

To start off my name is Caroline Croley , 48 yrs old . I'm married to a wonderful man Paul. 

I'm a Mommy to four wonderful blessings on Earth 

Ridge Logan ~ 12 yrs old

Thaniqua Marie ~ 10 yrs old

Jennifer Lynn ~ 8 yrs old

Carly Lorraine ~ 3 yrs old

Then I'm also blessed with four wonderful blessings that live in Heaven. I never got the chance to meet them , all were miscarriages. 

Riley ~ Feb 10 ,2006  12 wks

Little Muffin ~ Dec 1 , 2007 8 wks

Sweetpea ~ Jan 6 . 2011  12wks

Rosebud ~ Dec 28, 2011  7 wks 

So  now I'm what I always wanted to be in the whole world a Mom. I was always told I would never be able to carry a child but I did that & I also have lost. I'm stronger now and I believe & trust God through this journey. I also have the promise of Heaven & spending forever with all my children. 

Simply Beautiful .....................

I captured some beautiful pictures the past couple days 

I love looking at the skies & how amazing they are. 

Only makes me wonder what Heaven is like even with the darkest clouds God finds a way to paint a beautiful picture for us. 

Beauty at Seven in the Morning

Every morning I walk Ridge to cross a very busy road he has to cross on his way to the bus stop. I know some call me to protective but I call it love & I feel better knowing he made it that far every morning. He still has to walk a couple other streets to catch his bus. 

Anyway .........

I love getting to see the sunrise , so beautiful .

I took these the past couple mornings just so amazing , beautiful ......

So I thought I would share them with you. 

Always Thinking of You ............................

I don't need a special day little one but today is special & today marks 2 precious yrs in Heaven. I love you my ♥ Sweetpea ♥ xoxoxoxoxo