All my life I wanted to be a Mother. I thought my Mom was cool growing up but I was closer to my Dad. If that makes any sense. I wanted children and all that noise. I enjoyed babysitting and still babysat for families even when I was out of High School and had a job. It was something I enjoyed being around children.
I had one downfall to it all. I had female problems , docters told me I might never carry or even get pregnant. At 15 I was crushed , scared , wondering Why Me ?? I love children. When I was 35 it happened I became a Mother. I was so excited , over the moon. Then I had 2 more children. I was so very happy.
Then I miscarried , once again I miscarried. No one got me ready for all that. I remember talking to my Mom after my first miscarriage and she said I wish I knew what to say or I know how you feel but I don't. I said it's ok Mom. I know she hurt cause she couldn't fix it. I know no matter how old you are your Mom still worries still cares that is just what Mom's do. I did have my Rainbow then just this past Jan I miscarried again.
Then I remembered those same feelings I had when I wondered why I might not become a Mom. I was feeling them all over again only this time because I lost children. I hurt , somedays are tough , holidays , birthdays but for me anyday , Grief can show up at my door. It's not any easier just because I have living children. I love all my children that's what Mom's do. I miss those that aren't here. It will never end until this journey on earth is done and I'm reunited in Heaven with those children waiting there for me. So looking at the whole big picture all my children through all life has handed me. I know that Good Grief I'm so blessed. I thank God for making me a stronger Momma , through all of this and also teaching me that there is always Hope in everything. I thank God for always being there to listen to help and most all for one day being able to see those children I have lost.
5 comments :
so long, how are you?
busy like crazy,
have fun with the challenge.
(((HUGS)))
it is amazing at 15 years old they told you there was a possibility you wouldn't have children; that would be a devastating thing to hear at that age especially as much as you love children! so glad God proved them wrong!! hugs to you but I know you will see and be with all your children for eternity! In the meantime, I know there will always be those sad days, times :(
betty
I'm so happy for you that you were finally able to have children because you seem like such a great mom. I understand the joys of being a mother but I also understand the horrors of it as well. My son is disabled and I go through quite a lot with him at times... Anyway, I have had 3 miscarriages in my past prior to my son. I felt the same way as you do but the birth of my son brought me a kind of peace with that. Everyone is different, and that is okay. Take care.
Missy
Proof that only God knows what's in store for us. See how many wonderful children you have!
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