Even though it's not the best picture of Carly today she is 21 months. Time sure goes by so quickly. Can't believe in 3 months she will be two. She is doing well likes almost anything you give her. She is always finding something new to try and do. She is starting to really talk now. Making lots of sentences , yesterday she said cupboard really plain. I know all the reading the older kids do is helping. She also watches Dora and now I find her trying to answer the questions. Yay !!!!!!!!
On Jan 20th I had to go eat lunch with Ridge. Well when Ridge came to get me at the office to go to recess and lunch with him he had a friend with him. It was Dana the girl that invited him to the birthday party that he attended not long ago. Dana's mom couldn't attend and from the way I understand she eats lunch with Ridge everyday. It was cute and then when I went to school for Jennifer's graduation I seen them walking from reading to go back to class. Ridge just sorta gave me that look and kept on walking. So cute , I think my boy is growing up. He will be 11 yrs old next month just so funny. I guess I shouldn't be to shocked everytime we go somewhere there is some girl always saying Hi Ridge.
I took a couple pictures of them at lunch that day but not together.
My sister sent me this picture she took at my nephew Anthony's birthday party. I miss that boy. I haven't got to see him since I moved to Nevada. He just turned 13 on Jan 15. Wow !!!! My son Ridge and Anthony look a lot alike. Can't wait til June to get to see him. Love you Anthony !!!!
I was talking to my Mom the other day. I called to tell her there is no new grandchild. It was hard , I don't like using the phone but when we are so far away not much choice. I did wait , I didn't do it right away. She is a Mom just like me and she worries she loves me. She took the news the best she could. I could hear the hurt. I tried my best to not cry. During that phone call I found out something I never knew. I was sorta surprised wondered why she never said anything.
She told me that when My Dad and Her got married they bought plots at the cemetary. They got four of them. I asked why ??? She told me in case they lost a child.
After I got off the phone I thought about how my Mom's cousin had a baby die of SIDS when she was pregnant with me. She told me about her that one time when we went to the cemetary. I remember that little grave with such pretty pink flowers and the little lamb on the grave. I knew that my cousin had five miscarriages and never did have a baby. I never knew what I know today , that there are so many that have lost. I wondered why we never talked about it.I'm glad that they were ready in case something happened , well sorta. I know that no matter what you do your never ready for death. It's sad but it is a part of life.
I have days when I wish my children never had to feel the hurt that siblings aren't here with us. I do love the fact that they don't forget them on any given day. I'm glad that I can talk about this part of life even though it's sad. I'm not upset that my parents never brought that subject up with us when we were older. It would have been nice to known more than what I did. My children know that there is the chance that not every pregnancy brings home a healthy baby , sad yes but my children know. I'm glad that it is becoming not such a hush subject anymore.
Even though they may have not told I'm glad I was raised in a Christian home where I know this isn't the end. One day we will all be a family together. I also thank God for sending his son so that we all may live forever in Heaven. God is good even through the tough times.
Yesterday I had ran to the library to get some books for the kids. I stopped by Smiths to pick up a couple things. I saw these new crackers and I love cheese. I grew up in Amish Country in Ohio. One of my favorite things is Baby Swiss cheese. Well these crackers come pretty close. They are yummy , glad I tried them.
My Little Jennifer she is quite the girl. She has a huge heart and thinks of others so well. Last Wednesday a boy who I'm going to call G punched her in the stomach at school. Jennifer is little but you could never tell the way she eats , Lol. When I picked them up at school she told me. I went to the office and talked then went home. She wouldn't eat supper , so there was no mark and I was concerned. She finally ate later that night. Dad was so upset. The next day in computer class G pushed Jennifer's palm on the table. I talked to the teachers and hope they can do something. I know that G has family issues at home because he was in school with Jennifer last yr. The hard part is Jennifer has to sit by him in class everyday. I asked her if she wanted to be moved , I would speak to the teacher. She said No I'll be ok.
Well yesterday our crossing guard gave Jennifer a Huge Hug and told her how proud of her she was. I said could someone please tell Mom what is up ???? Liz our crossing guard works at lunch and playground duty. She told me they - the principal is working with G to Stop & Think make better choices. He has a button to wear. Well yesterday Jennifer was helping G remember to Stop & Think. Liz said she was doing a great job and G listened to her. How awesome is that ???? I asked Jennifer you were being very brave. She said it's just you Mommy. I said What ???? That thing you always say you never know how strong you are until you have to be. Mommy you lost 3 babies and you take care of us. I can be strong to help G. Well we were all in tears. What a awesome child and they really do listen to what I say.
My girls like to pack there lunches. So in Nov I bought a jar of Nutella. They love it. We have tried it on waffles and it's also a hit. Even little Carly likes it. What great and healthy stuff. Yay for Nutella !!!
Award Day was last Friday morning. These kids got a bunch. Dad & I were so proud of them. I think it's so nice that they do this after every quarter instead of at the end of the year. It gives them something special to work hard for.
This time the school changed it up instead of getting all the children together in there grade level for a picture. They do them all seperate anyway. They had all of the class together with there parents. Since the school felt without parents helping at home this might not have been possible. So I got my picture taken three times with my gang. It was so nice.
Our children each got an award for Honor Roll , Excellent Citizenship and Perfect Attendance .
So to Ridge ,Thaniqua and Jennifer Well done & I'm so glad all for three of you love to learn & attend school. We love you so much.
I have been so busy this past week. I have been so emotional. Sometimes I just wanta runaway and wish this was just a bad dream. My heart down deep is broken. Sometimes I think I'm not strong enough for all this. Then when I think I can't I hear that voice that says you can. Even though I have been on this road before it's not fair and sometimes it really hurts.
Even though I hurt I thank you God for blessing me with a wonderful husband and children that continue to amaze me day after day. Such wonderful friends too. I know that in everything you do you are good.
It was a beautiful day out. Warm about 50 degrees , so since I hadn't got to spend much time with Carly , I took her out to play this afternoon. The other kids were out and so we got a ball and played. Carly loved it. Supposed to still have some nice weather this upcoming week so if I get the chance & it's warm enough we will be outside again.
This morning while I was makin breakfast Paul heard a funny noise. He went outside to look. Wow a Hot Air Balloon right above our apartment. It was really low to you could see in the basket. We see a lot of them here. It was just beautiful , the kids enjoyed it to no end.
Today was my lunch date with Ridge this picture was taken before lunch at recess. After we got home loking at the pictures Ridge said " Mom maybe the rays of sun are the other kids in Heaven there with me. It was a beautiful day out and I know we will both love this picture forever.
It's been a busy week and I'm glad tomorrow is Friday. I have got to spend a lot of time with my precious children wouldn't trade that for the world. We have had lunch together one on one everyday this week. Today is Ridge's turn , I'm excited since he is my oldest and it seems like we don't get to much alone time. He is growing up and having a birthday soon. Anyway I'm glad the school has done this it's nice to get to go and do this. I'm also thankful to God that I can be a stay at home Mom and be able to attend.
Tomorrow I won't be eating lunch with anyone tomorrow is second quarter awards morning. Of course this gang is getting a bunch again. I'm so proud of them. This leads me into wanting to share some feelings with you.
I recently lost as all of you know another precious life on Jan 6 , 2011. I didn't post it to everyone on Facebook because some people think it's wrong for me to say on my status something about the children that are not here. At the same time I had two people say how can I be happy and post good things about my children on earth after maybe the day before be having a tough one as missing my children that are in Heaven. I just want to share that I love all my children and just like tomorrow going to the awards thing at school it's a happy time but yet my heart hurts thinking of the children that I will never see walk forward in this life and get a award like them. Days like tomorrow are bittersweet but I have that peace knowing ONE DAY I will see those children and be able to share in that joy like here on earth. I hope that made some sense. I love all my kids and I feel God as had me being busy with all the others to help me in my latest loss. It doesn't stop the hurt but it helps. So no matter if I'm so joyful it doesn't mean I don't love or not think of those children in Heaven any less.
I know no one on here has said anything like that but I wanted to just write my feelings out and maybe feel better. Thanx to all of you again for all the kind words . Also for being there for me.
My lunch date for today ~ My Thaniqua. Another wonderful memory and some wonderful news. Today her teacher came by to tell me at lunch that Thaniqua has had the most growth this year for a third grader. She is doing so well and she said I'm so glad she has a Mommy that really cares. I do try to work hard with the kids and it has paid off so much. What a great memory today.
Last night , I was sad cause a show that started on the CW channel called " Life Unexpected " was ending tonight for good. I'm not a Big TV person. I like to watch Headline news , TLC and yes I watch soapnet a little in the evening after kids go to bed. Nick Jr is on the most Carly's favorite. Anyway it was on for two hrs. I was crosstitching and kids had went to bed. Hubby was on the computer in the living room. One of the main characters is pregnant. Well she went for her ultrasound and what happened ????????????? No Heartbeat.
I thought I was gonna be sick. My Hubby asked me you ok ? I just sat there so much going through my head. So much all over again. Trying to hide the tears all over again. I could see the hurt in my hubby's face too. The lady didn't deal with it real well , tried to just hide her real feelings. So needless to say I couldn't sleep real well after that just all that pain in two words. " No Heartbeat ". I cried , I miss my children so much it will never end , not until I get to Heaven and I'm so ready. I would leave right now if only it was time. Until then I will trust in God to help me everyday even though some days are so difficult.
The best things in life are those things that touch our hearts and last a life time in our memories. Today I had lunch with this beautiful daughter of ours. She is such a blessing , always helping someone , sharing and loving. What a great memory we made today. A simple school lunch date. Love you Jennifer.
Kids went back to school today. I also get to go to school today for the next three days. I get to go to school everyday at lunch time. Today I have lunch with Jennifer. Wednesday I have lunch with Thaniqua. Thursday I have lunch with Ridge.
So nice they all our on seperate days so I can spend time with each one of them. So a Big YAY for my lunch dates this week. I'm excited and makin some AwEsOmE memories together One on One.
Today was beautiful out and there was No School. After lunch the kids and I decided to go for a walk. I needed to make a trip to Jo-Ann Fabrics which is located in our mall. After we got done the kids were ready for a snack so we stopped by Carl's Jr and got a couple Oreo Milkshakes. All we could say was Yummy !!!
I'm a wife to a very special man ~ Paul , who is just Awesome. I'm a Mommy to four wonderful , amazing children on Earth Ridge , Thaniqua , Jennifer and our Little Rainbow Baby Carly. I have four children in Heaven Riley , Little Muffin & Sweet Pea , Rosebud who I miss but know that One day we will be together. Also I have three step-children which are all in there 20's.